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[For Kathleen Sloan, Filk Waif at FilKONtario, March 2004]
[Scene: a treatment bay in a hospital emergency room. Two doctors and two nurses are trying to revive a patient.] "DR. SLOAN": Clear! [SFX: Fwump!] [The patient 's body arches up off of the gurney, and falls back down again. "DR. SLOAN" checks the heart monitor, which remains flat, and then turns to the other doctor.] "DR. SLOAN": 45 minutes since we had a pulse. I think he 's gone Dr. Dexter. Shall I call it? [Dexter nods resignedly.] Director: Cut! OK, everybody take 10, then we 're on to the next scene... [Camera: pan back, revealing that the E.R. is just a set on a sound stage. The equipment and crew indicate that a movie is being filmed. The intern "DR. SLOAN" is played by Alyson Hannigan. Dr. Dexter is played by Harrison Ford.] Kathleen Sloan [walking into view]: Excuse me... Director: And you are...? Harrison Ford: Um, Bob, that 's the subject of our movie: "The Singing Doctor". [Smiles and winks at Kathleen.] Director: Oh? Hmm, I 'd imagined you taller. Anyway, hello, and what are you doing here? Kathleen: I 've retained creative control of this film. Director [looking slightly annoyed]: I see. And you 're actually a physician? Kathleen: Of course. My specialty is family practice. Director: OK. And what 's that you have there? Kathleen: Oh, this is my beadwork. I get a couple of rows done per scene. I 'm a little behind, since this film project has cut into my craft time. Director: Well, Ms. Sloan... Ford: Doctor Sloan. Director [flashes an annoyed look at Ford, too]: Dr. Sloan... Kathleen: Please, call me Kathleen. Just never "Kathy". Director: Kathleen, were you going to offer some sort of creative consultation? Kathleen: Exactly, on a medical point: that patient wasn 't receiving CPR. If he hasn 't had a pulse in 45 minutes, then, defibrillator or no, he 's been dead for over 30 of them. Patient: [looking up from the gurney]: I 'd wondered about that. Director: Well either way you 're dead now, Phil. Go get ready for the flashback scene. Kathleen: Another point... Director [getting a little more exasperated]: Yes? Kathleen: Where 's the filk? Director: There 's music all through the movie. We 're doing a music scene next. Kathleen: Yes, but I 've never performed opera at all, let alone at Carnegie Hall. I 'm a filker. Have you done your homework here? Do you know what filk is? Director: I felt Carnegie would give us more dramatic impact.Ê But why don 't you educate me? Pierce Brosnan [entering the set]: Allow me. Since I 'm playing Kathleen 's husband John [smiles warmly at Kathleen; Ford 's eyes narrow in Brosnan 's direction], I 've done a little research.Ê Seems the very nature of filk music is group participation.Ê Kathleen 's been involved with it for over 25 years (she 's been a regular at OVFF since its inception.), and treasures the warm community of filkers as much as the music itself. [takes Kathleen 's hand and kisses it] Am I close, dear? Kathleen [blushing only slightly]: That 's exactly the point: Filk is my adopted family, not a detached audience. Even concert performances in filk are full of palpable support and participation from the audience. Brosnan: Nonetheless, Kathleen has received recognition for her performing acumen. She has been Toastmistress at the Ohio Valley Filk Festival, and will be the Guest of Honor at GaFilk next year. Director [slightly confused]: But, I understood that she spent years in filk, almost exclusively as a listener, neither performing nor writing songs. Ford [condescendingly]: Bob, the thing about reading someone 's bio, when you 're trying to portray them, is that you 've got to read the whole bio. She was a listener and "private" harmony singer for quite a while. In fact, due to her tendency to read or do crafts during filk circles, another filker once told her that she had thought Kathleen was a "bored spouse", until she heard her sing. But about 13 years ago she decided to start performing, as well. And with the coaching and encouragement of her voice teacher to help her self-confidence, she did. She 's also won an award for her song-writing at FilKONtario with "A Kind of Magic". That 's not even mentioning her work as a member of the board for Interfilk. She 's not in the background anymore. [lightly slaps the director 's face, and looks closely into his eyes] Try to keep up, huh? [The director pauses, looking very unsure of what to do next, then turns and exits the sound stage.] Hannigan: Kathleen? Will you be doing my character 's singing voice in this movie? Kathleen: Yes, Alyson. Don 't worry, I 've got your back. Hannigan: [smiles broadly with relief] OK, thanks. [exits] [George Clooney enters] Kathleen: George! Back in the E.R. at last, I see. George: [smiles slightly] Yeah, you can take the actor out of the scrubs... So what role am I playing in this film? Kathleen: It 's a small but fun role: you 're the UPS man come to thank me for being such a good customer. You 've listened to my song "Catalog Queen"? George: Sure. Kathleen: And you have no objection to wearing shorts? George: Not at all. Kathleen: C 'mon boys. Let 's go to lunch and we 'll discuss your roles. [Kathleen, Ford, & Brosnan walk off the set, arm-in-arm-in-arm, with Clooney following close behind. Start slow iris out to black.] Kathleen: Also I 'm thinking this movie needs a new director.Ê Anybody know if Baz is available? [Slow iris out ends. Fast iris in to Looney Tunes closing screen, with theme music.] Porky Pig: Uh-buh The- , uh-buh The- , uh-buh The- , uh-buh That 's her, folks! [Fast iris out to black as music finishes.] |