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[For UT, GoH at the East Coast Filk con (Contata that year?) in 1997-ish(?)] [written by Rand Bellavia and Paul Kwinn] COGITO ERGO OOT A One-Act Play [Descartes enters, stage left. Already seated around a table are
Sigmund Freud, Don Rickles, and Ookla the Mok {the cartoon character;
what Chewbacca might have looked like if he had descended from
raccoons}.]
Freud: Ah, Rene! Take a seat. Now, as I was saying, Allison Durno and
Deborah Ridpath Ohi had both been involved in filk for several years,
yet somehow managed to avoid getting to know each other. Relationship
avoidance of the worst sort. It was inevitable and beneficial to both,
so what took them so long?
Rickles: Probably afraid of each other revealing details about their
old porno careers. Would SOMEBODY pass me the friggin' yams?
Decartes: Sorry to be late. To make sure we're all proceeding from the
same tenets: Allison's the guitarist, correct? And Debbie the
flautist?
Freud: Actually Debbie has picked up the guitar as well. And don't
forget that Allison sings. She's the alto.
Rickles: Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, Debbie's starting to sing now, as well.
You miss a lot when you're dead, now, don't you?
Descartes: Very well. Have we brought Jodi Krangle into the discussion
yet?
Ookla: Raaaaarrrrr!
Descartes: I see. I think you're missing their basic human struggle
here: Allison and Debbie sensed somehow that they would be incomplete
without harmony, without a soprano. And Jodi's voice is... well, if not
for my almost obsessive disdain for the concept of absolutes, I'd say
"perfect".
Rickles: Yeah yeah. Harmony, melody, Jodi. Hey, Furry! Quit hoggin'
all the white meat!
Ookla: Raaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!
Rickles: Calm down. It's okay. I kid the devolved. But what we need
is love. Love, ladies and gentlemen. . .
Freud: Love: one of the most unabridged expressions of the id. And
that contributed to the synergy of the group, their compositions, and
their performances.
Decartes: Synergy, shminergy! Everything comes down to the simple truth
that Urban Tapestry exists. You cannot doubt that. All else is
speculation. They have, in fact, existed since 1993.
Ookla: [Points first to Freud, then to Decartes] Raaaaaaaaarrrrrrgghhh!
Rickles: Well said, gruesome. Hey, Ed Asner called. He needs his
body hair back by the weekend. And all three of you are missing a very
important fact. Sigmund, you may be the father of psychoanalysis. and
Rene over there may the father of modern philosophy, but you're both
dead! I'm alive over here. Not dead. Not a cartoon character. Alive.
And as such, I think I'm uniquely qualified to comment on this topic.
Descartes: Qualification, like so many human creations, is an
illusion. Seeing U.T. on stage, however, this is no illusion!
Mon Dieu! Tres belle! Awwwoooooooooo!!
Ookla: [Stares at Descartes. Flashes a big, fangy grin.]
Rickles: It's good to know that the busy schedules you fellas keep
hasn't prevented you from attending those Pee Wee Herman seminars.
Please! Tailhook has nothing on you people! I've seen these women
perform. I may not be able to discuss modes of alienation, but I know
funny. I know talent. They're it.
Freud: So what you're saying is that you suffer from a deeply repressed
oedipal conflict, and your caustic humor is merely a defense mechanism
to mask the hostility you feel toward your mother. Do you often dream
of your mother smoking cigarettes?
Rickles: What the hell are you talking about? What I'm saying is that
Urban Tapestry is a great filk group from Toronto who write and perform
great music. If you want funny, they got funny. You want pretty, they
got pretty. You want interesting lyrics sung in complicated melodies
intertwining with lilting flute and guitar performances (not to mention
lots of bangy things), well, they got that too. I mean, you don't get
nominated for two Pegasus awards for nothing, do you?
Descartes: So how does all this relate to what is known as Dorsai Filk?
Ookla: Arrrrggghh!
Descartes: Exactly, my friend.
Freud: My colleague Carl Jung claims that the primitive need to express
highly felt emotions through tribal rituals and primal screams is a
positive occurrance. I cannot agree.
Rickles: Check out "Jung and the Restless" over here. Look, they wrote
one Dorsai song, okay? Versatility! Another of their great traits.
When did I become their press agent anyway?
Freud: Indeed. I myself would not even have allowed you to promote my
line of cigars. But have all of you heard their album?
Ookla: Arrrrgghhh! <Holds up copy of UT's "Castles & Skyscrapers"
tape, smiling.>
Rickles: Well, Hair-ball King, that one's a winner, too. But they have
a NEW album, on tape and CD, being released at The Second Concerto.
It's called "Myths and Urban Legends".
Ookla: Arrrr?
Rickels: You don't have it? According to the liner notes,
you're on it, you numbskull. [To Freud and Descartes:] As bright as a
small appliance bulb.
Descartes: Yes, one of the songs from that was even played on
nation-wide radio in Canada.
Freud: Continuing our discussion of the group's roots: Jodi's addition
to Urban Tapestry produced a sense of closure: the void was filled, the
chord completed, the last stroke added to the painting...
Rickles: ...and the Wizard of Id droned on a bit, losing his audience's
attention, probably just to prop up his hourly fees. Listen: "They sing
good, they write good, they play good. Come hear 'em, or you're dumb."
Is that so hard to say? C'mon, Big Bird could say it: mostly
monosyllabic words.
Ookla: Raaaaaaaarrrrr!
Rickles: Look who I'm talkin' to here.
Ookla: RRAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!
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