home | who we are | our projects | schedule | m&ul | links


Mark Osier's Bio of UT for FKO 9

Guest of Honour: Urban Tapestry
"The Book of the Prophet MarkO"

A Selection from the Lake Ontario Scrolls:

1

Now, it came to pass in the twenty-sixth day of the third month of the second year of Ally McBeal, known also as the year of the Lord one thousand, nine hundred, ninety nine, that the fen did gather in a large city of the northern hemisphere.

2 And so it came to pass that there was much reveling, and the people did rejoice and celebrate with song. And it was Good.

3 Out of the multitudes did come three whose voices did sound as those of heavenly hosts, whose songs did lift the hearts and spirits of the assembled throngs, and upon whom the concom didst bestow the title "Guest of Honour". And once again, it was Good.

4 Then one among the legions assembled did cry out, saying "Who are these, who have so delighted us with their songs? Speak, any and all, that we may know them better."

5 But the concom did intervene, saying "Verily I say unto you, that such exposition wouldst overwhelm us all, and give us even less sleep than normal. Therefore, we shall commission a telling of the most honoured ones, that you might read it for yourselves."

6 But none of this did I hear, being somnolent near to point of death many miles away. But an Angel of Goodness did awaken me from my rest, and after several cups of coffee, did show me this vision which I have described.

 

2

Thus did I begin to write, and the Angel of Goodness did smile as I wrote of the three delicate creatures known to mortal man as Urban Tapestry.

2 Of Allison Durno did I write, and praises did I sing of her skill with the guitar, recorder and voice. Of her pursuit of the teaching of children, that they may build bright tomorrows. Of her many years of experience in the lands of the fen, and the many stories she has to tell.

3 Also did I compose of Jodi Krangle, and many priases did I heap upon her for her skills at composition, and her vocal talents, admired even beyond the realms of fen.

4 And as the angel did speak I did transcribe of Debbie Ohi. Of her innocent appearance, her skill with a multitude of instruments, which did include flute, guitar, piano, and many things percussive. Also did the Angel crown her the "Queen Of All Things Webby" for her skill in the cyber realms.

5 All these things did I write, and more besides, as the Angel did watch over me. And it was Good.

 

3

All this having transpired, an Angel of Darkness, known well to me by his first name, Bubba, did appear and, having read all that I had transcribed, did exclaim "What a load of crapola thou hast written!"

2 "Why speakest thou so, Bubba?" I did inquire, perplexed. "I did believe that you held Urban Tapestry in the highest of regards, for oft have you delivered unto me their songs for desecration." And the Angel of Goodness did tremble, for she knew it to be so.

3 "Aye, and well hast thou served me in that regard," Bubba did muse wistfully. "But to heap praise on those who have treated you so shamefully... or hast thou so soon forgotten the 'Contata Basket Incident'?"

4 Again did Bubba transfix me with his stare. "And these things you write about them... hast thou forgotten so much?

5 Allison, who doth lead the trio when upon the stage, hath hair the colour of fire. And well knoweth all the rumours about the crimson-tressed and their tempers. Even now she likely plots her vengence upon you for some slight imagined within the text you write." And the Angel of Goodness did tremble, for she knew it to be so.

6 Vehemently did Bubba continue his rantings, as furiously I did transcribe. "Jodi, she of fair voice and illustrious... eyes. How oft has her flirtatious manner tempted the hearts of men? To have sung harmony as often, and with so many as she, must surely be a sin.

7 And if thou didst have any further doubts regarding her evilness... she doth like jazz." And the Angel of Goodness did tremble, for she knew it to be so.

8 "But what of Debbie?" I asked. "Surely one so innocent of appearance must not be as you have described."

9 And Bubba did laugh heartily, and the sound did echo throughout the room. "Deep in the depths of the Darkness, where the worm dieth not, the fire is never quenched, and even Jerry Springer doth fear to visit, we have a saying...

10 "It's all Debbie's fault."

11 Aye, well do we below know her multitude of vices, most especially that of CHOCOLATE. Hast thou so soon forgotten how thy truffles didst MYSTERIOUSLY disappear and were MIRACULOUSLY discovered in Debbie's possession, whereupon she did consume them?"

12 And the Angel of Goodness did tremble, for she knew it to be so.

 

4

All these things and more did I see, ere the Angel of Goodness, enhungered by the talk of truffles, didst invite Bubba for pizza. Pineapple was discussed, but as I began to write of its good or evil, my pen was silenced.

2 Some mysteries, after all, must remain the province of God.

(The Concom notes that UT had their first concert at a filk con at FKO 4, which debuted their first tape, Castles and Skyscrapers. They went as Interfilk Guests to ConChord in October, 1994. In January '95 they released The Urban Tapestry Songbook. They were Guest of Honour at The Second ConCerto, in June of 1997, and released their second recording, Myths and Urban Legends, in both CD and tape. They will be the featured Overseas Guests at Digeri-Douze, the British Filk con, in February, 2000.)

Debbie Ridpath Ohi -- wow@inkspot.com